


Pain from the past

by Noffermans



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Blood, Could be read as romantic, Crusing, Crying, Fluff, Lots of it, M/M, Nightmares, Talking, a few curse words, discription of beeing stabbed, gerita - Freeform, platonic gerita, switching POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-30
Updated: 2018-08-30
Packaged: 2019-07-04 16:25:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15844995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noffermans/pseuds/Noffermans
Summary: After waking up, from an immense back pain while staying over at Germany's pain. His scars are hurting, so trying to stealthy get himself some healing cream, and not think about what caused said scar...but is he as quiet as he thinks, or does he need to explain himself to his best friend.





	Pain from the past

**Author's Note:**

> So I turned one of my headcanons into a story... I am somehow quite proud of this one. Hope you all enjoy to

I woke up with a start, shooting upright to sit straight, panting heavily and unevenly. Flashes of the forest disappearing, but the pain in my back not going away. I wiped at my eyes violently, trying to get rid of the tears so I could see. How long have I been crying? In my sleep no less..ow.. 

I bit my lip, to bite through the pain. Moving my hand to feel my back, moving very carefully, and slowly my fingers first felt the beginning of my scar, and then a kind of..dent...like..like I laid on top of something that had been digging into it. 

I turned around to look at my bed, moving the covers away to see the devil, that had caused my pain. A pen cap laid in the middle of my bed, I picked it up slowly, I had wondered where it had gone in my rush this morning, as it took all my willpower to not throw the annoying thing across the room. I doubt Germany would like it if I damaged his wall, so settling for angrily slamming it onto the nightstand, as I swing my legs over the side of the bed. 

I let out a low hiss, Bathroom. Germany kept first aid supplies in the bathroom, so he should go there..he surely would have that cream to right... I mean almost every one of the nations got one. right? 

I could feel my entire spine hurting with every step I took. It hadn’t hurt this bad in ages, so why was it acting up like this. Maybe he moved more than he thought? Making the pen cap scratch the irritated skin? who-ah!

I stumbled out of the bedroom not realising how much weight I had been pushing against the door and walked right into the small cabinet with the vase. Catching the vase as it was about to tumble to the ground, but bumping my knee and toe in the process. 

“Fuck!” I slapped a hand in front of my mouth staring at the door of Germany’s bedroom. The seconds ticked by slowly, but I heard no noise...no sign of the other waking up. I let out a sigh of relief as I placed the vase back. No need to wake the other up now, especially after he got to bed early after overworking himself these past few days. 

I slowly moved toward the bathroom, trying to make as little sound as possible, but couldn’t help the occasional hiss, that I let out. Was it me, or was the pain getting worse with every step I took?! I opened the door, leaving it open for now, as I rested my hands on the edges of the sink, to catch my surprisingly short breath. As I noticed some stray tears falling off my nose into the sink.

I looked up...staring at myself in the mirror attached to the hidden cabinet. I looked...absolutely horrible. My hair was standing in every direction, you almost couldn’t make out, my crooked stressed curl between them. I could see the bloodshot eyes and obvious tear tracks on my face...how long had i been crying. I stared at my bare chest, the iron cross, was stuck on it, probably because of the sweat. I tugged the cord so it came loose, as I checked, the rest. My flushed, slightly wet skin, with bed, folds patterns pressed here and there. I have looked worse sure...but still..it was not a pretty sight.

I closed my eyes tightly as I moved my hips slightly...okay... I should grab that cream..this was getting ridiculous. I blinked the new tears away, as I opened the mirror, to the hidden cabinet. Seeing all kinds of bottles, pots and sprays...searching for that one pot with the yellow label...  
..  
…  
..  
I didn’t see it. I reached over and started moving some things around, maybe it was in the back?.... Still nothing...I was getting more frustrated the longer it took, shoving things aside, angrily the bottle clinking together loudly, some even falling out. But I didn’t care, I clean up later, I just had to get that cream...don’t tell me it’s downstairs in the- THERE! 

I breathed a sigh of relief, grabbing it from the back of the topmost shelve. Closing the cabinet door, I let out a scream. 

 

I was startled by the ear piercing scream the other let out. But my annoyance at it quickly gave way to concern. Because in his frightened state, the other had turned around, giving me a glimpse of his tears filled, red-rimmed eyes, and moved back into the sink. Only to fall onto the floor with a string of curses falling from his mouth. 

I quickly knelt down in front of him and softly held his shoulders. “Feli?....Feli? Are you alright? Are you hurt anywhere,...What happened?” those were probably not the right questions to ask right now...Of course, he wasn’t all right, he was crying for crying out loud. And shaking quite badly too, his breath coming quick and uneven. 

“Feli?”

He raised his head to look up at me. Tears were rolling down his face, and it seemed that he had been crying for a lot longer, but he also looked...angry? No Frustrated is the better word of it I think. Also moments away from screaming...at something... I dunno what. 

“Ludw-” he choked on a sob. That broke into more sobbing And I feel my heart break at the sight. As I acted on instinct, sitting down on the cool tile floor, and slowly but carefully pulled the other closer, and into my lap as I felt him shiver. 

I wrapped my arms around him a bit awkwardly and started rubbing soft circles into his shoulders, in a hopefully comforting way. I tried to come up with something to say, to comfort him in some way, he seemed to need it. His forehead hit my shoulders, and his arms raised as if to hug me back. But stopped themselves midair, and they just kind of hovered there beside me. 

I frowned, he normally didn’t hesitate to hug back. I moved one hand upwards, to hold the back of his head softly, and Feli’s breath hitched. I slowly started stroking the hairs, as I felt the other let out a soft breath as well. I started forward at the wall for a couple of seconds, and then I tried to keep my voice as soft as possible, I whispered

“It’s okay Feli, you are safe and not alone, aren’t you the one that always says feeling sad is normal?”

I bit my lip, hopefully, that worked, and it didn’t come out wrong. The other let out a wet laugh and breathe out a small sigh of what I imagen relieve. 

“I…I know..” he mumbled between his sobbing “It's just….stupid” he turned his head to the side, looking away from me

“Hey...none of that” I mumbled and pushed softly at his shoulders, and forced him to look at me   
“It’s not stupid if you are this upset about it”   
he downcasted his eyes. “I’m not upset” he continued to mumble “more like angry... I shouldn’t - “   
“Feli” he looked up at me as I interrupted him  
“Double so, your feelings over whatever is happening are valid” 

His body shook even more, as tears fell from his eyes again, oh no I didn’t mean to -   
Feliciano launched himself forward, his arms wrapping around my back, his fist clutching at my tank top. His breath was going quick and he was full on crying in my arms now. But the crying wasn’t really sad, it was more a whirlwind of emotions. I softly rubbed his shoulders.

I scanned the ground, whatever Feliciano had grabbed had fallen to the ground, maybe I could find it, and give me some insight into what was bugging his friend. I saw the small pot recognizing the yellow label immediately. 

“Hey….Feli?” I tried to get his attention

Between his sobs, he let out a small “hmm” indicating he heard me  
“Is...is one of your scars hurting?”, and he immediately nodded against my chest. I shifted us slightly so I could kick the bottle closer to us with my foot.   
“Which one?” I asked softly. The other took a couple of breaths, trying to get his voice to work and under control...seemingly biting through some pain. “The...the long….the long straight one...on… on my...on my back...near...near the centre...of..of my spine..”

I nodded, rubbing his shoulders, and praising him for telling me. While managing to grab the small pot with my other hand. “Want me to apply the cream for you?” I asked.   
He pulled back from my chest, looking me in the eyes with tears stricken face  
“Oh please..will you? Your a saint” My lips twitched into a brief smile.   
“Can you turn around?” I asked. He nodded, he took a deep breath, and slowly turned himself around, hissing and letting out another small curse as he sat back down, this time in front of me, as I unscrewed the lid. 

The scar was itself long a thin, it looked like it had been a deep cut, like a stab wound or something similar... There was a similar scar on Italy's chest...i never really paid attention to it. It was rude to do so. Maybe it was from the same weapon?...not important right now. He should focus on this scar...The area around it was red and irritated like it rubbed against something rough..there was also a small dent...I dunno if it was always there or that the other laid on something. Either way, it didn’t look like it felt pleasant.

I slowly started to rub the cream into the others back, starting a little bit around the area that obviously hurt, and slowly going inward. Feli let out a couple of hisses and more curses as I did so. It took about 10 minutes for me to rub it all in. I slowly stood up and held out my hands to the other   
“Come on…let’s get out of here...it’s a bit cold isn’t it”   
He looked a bit surprised, but a small smile came over his face. And took my hands as I helped him up, and let him to my bedroom. I would clean the bathroom later. Feli was more important right now. 

Feli sat down on the side of my bed, looking..lost, he seemed to not be in such pain any more. Which was a relief, but I still felt concerned, as I saw the other shiver, I walked to my closet and tried to find something for the other to wear for the time being. I found a long sleeved shirt that was too small for me..it would do for now. I gently placed on the other's lap  
“Here...wear this...your shivering all over”  
He blinked at it...it took him a second but he put it on, the shirt is a bit too big on him, but he seemed to snuggle into it for warmth. I sat down next to him, the other body still looked tense as I grabbed the blanket, and wrapped it around both our shoulders. He let out a deep sigh, blowing the messy bangs that had fallen into his face, and dropped his head against my shoulder. 

 

I stared forward at the wall. The pain was down to just a dull ache, still there, but bearable. I felt an arm wrap my shoulders and softly pull me against the other and I gave a small smile. 

“You wanna talk about it?” He asked softly, not pushing it, but giving me a change.   
I let out a not committable hum. I wasn’t sure I wanted to, I really didn’t wanna think too much about it. It was over and done with. That chapter, I had long since closed. 

“Is there something you do want?” he asked, as he noticed my behaviour, I’m glad he wasn’t pushing it and just trying to help, but I couldn’t help to let out my sarcastic remark

“To not feel like shit, would be a good start” Ludwig let out a laugh, that he couldn’t seem to help, and heck it even made me chuckle, before dying out quickly, and letting out a deep sigh. 

“Honestly Luddy... I just don’t know what there is to talk about…” I heard him hum in understanding. We sat still like that for a couple of seconds. Then Ludwig softly suggested  
“How about, you talk about how about the pain...came just now? It might relieve some of your irritation over it” 

I raised my head from his shoulder and cracked my neck, resting my hands beside my legs. “What is there to say,”I said bitterly. “I woke up, from the pain in my back, tears down my face!” I said angrily “then I go ahead bumping into things, the pain for some reason, getting worse! Despite not having hurt in like the last century” I sat up straight and started gesturing widely “And then? Then?!” I let out a hollow laugh “ I got stupidly spooked? why because of that stupid nightmare, knocking my already hurting back into the sink causing just.UGH!” I buried my hands in my hair and dropped my hands to my knees bending over. 

I was so done with everything. A hand rubbed in between my shoulderblades softly. “What nightmare?” I heard him ask. I bit my lip and turned my head away, but I still felt his eyes on me. Should I? I let out a defeated sigh, my shoulders slumped. 

“It was... about...how.I got..” I gestured to my back, not really wanting to say it. “But instead of..what actually happened...it had turned into and shifted between...you...Kiku..my brother..a bunch of others to…” I mumbled and couldn’t quite meet his eyes, as his hand kept rubbing my back.   
“It must have been awful if you are this broken up about it”   
I felt myself freeze “I that’s….that’s the frustrating part.” I admitted, “it happened...so long ago... I made peace with it...at least... I think so….but…” I stared at my hands...right now I wasn’t so sure. 

“Feli, making peace with it is not the same as something it not hurting still”   
“True” I mumbled  
“Can I ask when it was? You don’t have to answer”  
I turned slowly to face him, his eyes were filled with worry, but they were reassuring as well   
“About” I paused for a second  
“About...400 years ago...give or take”  
His eyes widened slightly, he still looked curious, but didn’t push, we stared at each other for a while. Until I broke it with a deep sigh  
“Might as well, tell you the whole story now”

 

My eyes widened “Feli...you really don’t have to if…”   
“I know,” he said, “It’s just….” He shrugged, he had a grip on the iron cross around his neck. I’m not sure if he is aware that he is holding it at all. “Its just...you were right...about talking...and maybe...talking to someone...who has never...heard it...so I can tell everything once more...might” he shook his head  
“Or maybe I am searching for an excuse to tell you...because I want to?” he let out a laugh that was a little less hallow then the one before...  
“I’m not sure of anything at this point”   
I blinked at him, he seemed lost,  
“If you want to, I am willing to listen..if you just wanna sit here, and do nothing...that’s fine to”  
A small grateful smile came across his face as he breathed out a small thank you

He still looked tense but determined as well, but before he could start talking “Would you like another hug first?” his eyes had widened at my request, and I briefly wondered if had said the wrong thing. As he turned to look at me surprised.   
He bit his lip “Actually...could...could we hug...when I tell the story?...” he looked away, unsure and a little afraid. And I tried to give him a reassuring smile “Of course...would that make you feel better?” He bit his lip again and gave a small nod. “Also..it gives me...something grounding...knowing.. I am here and not...you know” I gave a nod in understanding

Whatever he was trusting me with was something big, that was obviously quite personal, private and most of all painful. I knew first hand how nice comfort was when thinking or talking about such things, this situation having been refused a few times in the past. 

“Let’s move back a bit then” I suggested and grabbed two of the pillows and put them against the wall to rest against. Also grabbing the second blanket at the edge of the bed, Italy crawled, more onto the bed sitting against one of the pillows, I sat next to him, putting the new blanket on our laps, as slowly the other wrapped his arms around my middle, and readjusted the blanket around our shoulders, wrapping us up in a nice warm cocoon of blankets.

I was happy to see the small smile on the others face before it warped into a far-off look. “Comfy?” I whisper-asked and he nodded  
“Give me a moment..i ... I need to think of...of how to start”I gave a nod in response. It was quiet for a long while. I had wrapped one arm around him and was slowly moving my hand up and down his arm.   
“I suppose...some background is in order...” he began, his voice was soft and distant.   
“I...i don’t remember the exact date and such..but I was enlisted in the army…” From the way, he let out details he normally could recount so easily spoke volumes about how much he hated thinking about this. 

“There was this boy….in the same platoon as me...we..we shared a tent, during missions and such...and we were often together.” he took a deep breath  
“Back then my nation status was kept secret from my fellow soldiers. So they wouldn’t..use me... I guess..they wanted me to train, but I still had power over my supposed superiors...which could cause some...situations.” he let out a sigh  
“This boy...oh this boy..he saved me during one of our missions, he could have died doing it.” he let out a small chuckle “I...of course..felt guilty at the time, so I stuck around him more..we started talking more, hanging around beside mission more, eating lunches together, you know that sort of thing...and I started to fall for him...quite hard…” 

I rubbed his arm. I could see it easily, a younger version of Italy swarming around a soldier boy like he did with some of the girls now. “I trusted him” he continued to whisper “Like a lot...he got me out of some pretty bad situations, he comforted me when things became too much..and I did the same to him” I lifted my other and started to run through his hair softly, he leaned into it, and was quiet for a small while. 

“Rumours started...that...there was a mole in our platoon, leaking info to the enemy...my….friend…..” he fell quiet again, it had been a dark, venom like way he said “friend”. Something I never thought I would hear from here. Feli took a deep breath and I pulled him a bit closer 

“He was one of the suspected, and I argued, like bend over backwards argued, to convince everyone that it wasn’t him... I was convinced it wasn’t him, I was with him the whole time, on every mission, so it could have been me as well, and I was sure it wasn’t him...it couldn’t be him…” He bit his lip and looked up at me, eyes wide and grief-stricken.   
“He was….wasn’t he..” I asked solemnly, and the other nodded, as tears started to fall from his eyes. I wanted to wipe them but before I could he buried his face into my shoulder   
After a couple of minutes, sitting like that, I couldn’t help but ask

“Did...did..he lead you into an ambush? Is that how you got the scar?” He let out a dry laugh  
“I wish”I froze…” then...what happened?” My voice was barely above a whisper. Feli let out a sniff “We where send out on a mission together...we needed to retrieve some documents from the enemy and we...succeeded..this, of course, made me very happy…’ he closed his eyes, a few more tears fell and this time I did wipe them away

“We had to camp for the night As...As.. we were arguing about who should hold watch first. I dunno how it came up anymore...but I confessed my feelings for him” I squeezed him against my side once more. Oh no I was dreading what was to come   
“He...he..” more tears fell. And I turned my head to whisper into his ear “You don’t have to continue” he blinked rapidly, a couple of time but shook his head.   
“No..I..I...want..” I gave a small nod and I felt him squeeze me he was shaking..from anger..cold..sadness... I wasn’t sure 

“He...kissed me”   
I blinked. I didn’t suspect that  
“He told me he felt the same...before he did so...but” he took a couple of snort heavy breaths  
“During our kiss... I suddenly felt, a sharp, unbearing pain in my back” My blood ran cold at those words. I stared at my best friend. No wonder that scar hurting was bringing back so many confusing, and unpleasant feelings. He confessed...and he got stabbed in the back for, trusting him...but I could sense wasn’t done..if his appearance is anything to go by. I ran my fingers through his hair, as he took a couple staggered breaths 

“I had...pulled back in...in horror..but before I could really process it much ... I was..thrown onto the cold, wet, mud-covered ground. Being utterly confused, I tried to get up..spitting the mud out of my face...he loomed over me... I can still…” he shivered...anger was clear..anger and heartbreak “He started laughing at me...calling me names, spitting at me...mocking me..all kinds of ...nasty things...but then he ...fucking thanked me...he thanked me..for making his job easier” 

I squeezed the arm I was holding. Softly, reassuringly but I was also filled with anger for this man I never met. The other's voice cracked when he spoke again “ The other grabbed the document we had just obtained and as he was leaving, while I still tried to get up...he...he..he stepped..onto the knife..that was still in my back...it ...it completely went through me...and into the ground...pinning me stuck there...since I could reach it..but not put any strength into pulling it out”   
I had felt my body freeze again. The bastard had done what?! Feli was shaking so badly, I dropped my hand from his hair, and turned around to give him a full on hug, so he could rest his head on my shoulder as I felt the angry and sad tears hit my shoulders, as he started to sob once more. I softly started rubbing his back, as he squeezed me tight. We stayed like that for a few minutes..and then he slowly mumbled 

“T-thanks...i….I...needed that..”  
I dunno if he meant the hug or the talking  
“Don’t mention it...that’s what friends are for..right...but..your welcome anyway”  
He nodded against my shoulder  
"Was this what your nightmares were about?"   
He nodded again "the..looming over me part..especially...and the stomping...I...just..i know you guys..won't..but I thought he wouldn't to..but "   
I squeezed him again.   
“Did...did they ever catch him after he left the camp?” I softly asked, hoping I wasn’t overstepping a line. I hoped he did, but I felt incredibly sad when he shook his head 

“They didn’t have to” I was confused  
“What do you mean?”   
“He never left the camp” I was even more confused  
“But...you just said..he was - “  
“I shot him before he could leave” His voice, was, dead, cold and flat   
“You?...how?! You were stuck...how did you?”   
“He knocked over my bow as he left... I managed to grab it...took aim and..shot him...he died there a few meters in front of me” 

I was kinda impressed. But “it must have been hard” I whispered, and he didn’t really confirm or deny it...but there was one thing I was confused about   
“How...how did you? ‘’   
“Fratello found me a week later...still pinned to the ground...by that knife”   
“Still...pinned? You were stuck...looking at his corpse?”   
“I tried...getting up. I think I died a couple times trying...it took a long time to heal...my bosses said it was my own fault...”  
I softly kissed the top of his head   
“Well...they were wrong..it wasn’t “ and he gave a nod 

 

I gave a small smile, leaning more into the hug, it had felt good in the end...to talk about everything again...Even with the tears still rolling down my face... I could tell, the frustrations from before had greatly diminished. Slowly I pulled back he wiped at the tears on my face and he let out a giggle and softly slapped his hands away playfully  
“It’s fine...Luddy”I said softly I started wiping them away myself   
He looked worried “I’m fine...not okay….but...better “ I gave a small smile

“I should have listened to you in the first place”  
“Hey now...none of that...You had all the rights to not tell me any of that if you didn’t wish to do something like that  
“But”  
“No buts,” he said looking at me sternly  
And I let out a sigh and then another smile as I gave him another tighter hug, and then pulling away.   
There was a bit of a awkward silence between both of us...not quite knowing what to say   
“Maybe…” I started  
“Maybe we should try to sleep”  
“Are you sure?” Luddy asked me  
“We don’t have to...if you don’t think you can just yet.”  
I opened my mouth to protest..but quickly closed it  
“I dunno” I whispered “I am quite tired after all” I waved my hand   
“That” he finished for me and I nodded  
“ But still... I fell.” I shivered he gave a nod in understanding in return 

I bit my lip..afraid to ask...but “Can I…..Can I spend the night...here?....I...I don’t...really wanna be alone” He gave me a smile and the worry I had slowly disappearing “Of course, I understand” I gave another grateful small, and then another wave of tears hit me, I buried my face, in his shoulder once more 

“Sorry”   
“Don’t be”   
He gently stroked my hair once more  
“Take as long as you need”

I stayed in the hug for a couple of minutes. Just letting the tears flow and enjoying the warmth. My eyes began to close, and I dunno exactly how long after but I felt myself being moved to lay down on the bed, and the blanket being readjusted as one arm came around my shoulders protectively. I mumbled a soft “good night” 

The last thing I heard was “Don't worry you won’t have any more nightmares tonight...Good night’


End file.
